Don't Tell...

I have a secret.

I just overheard something and my mind is racing and I wanna tell someone because I feel that if I don't I'll explode. But I can't just tell anyone. This secret is the kind of thing that could make heads explode because of how great it is ... I mean if that sort of thing was possible.

Which it could be. I don't really know.

So what I need from you is simple. Just one little choice.

Yes or no.

Which will it be?

If you choose not to know the secret, I completely understand. Some people may not always want to have that burden on their shoulders. Knowing is powerful and ignorance is bliss ... or at least that's what they say.

I mean it might be really difficult for you if you were to know considering you see Jenny almost on a daily basis.

Oh. Shit.

Shouldn't have let that slip, should I?

Well that's all I'm going to say about it for right now. Fuck, I'm really sorry I said anything. It's probably making your choice that much harder. Knowing that there's something about Jenny that I know and no one else does. Hell, if I were you, every time I saw her, I couldn't help but think that something could be very wrong with her. I'd be diagnosing every possible ailment that she could have and, in my mind obviously, I'd already be making plans to get some time off work so I could be with her.

Or I'd be worried that maybe she's thinking of leaving in general and not saying bye. She could be like that sometimes.

Spontaneous.

Whimsical.

She could just decide to take off and trudge through Moscow.

Or change her name and flee to Canada without thinking twice about how she'll survive there.

Or maybe she decided to cut off all her hair and tattoo the names of each and every lover she's ever had on her head as a sort of way to show others that she's proud of her life choices and she doesn't give a fuck what anyone has to say about her.

Hell maybe it's nothing.

Maybe I was kidding about it being about Jenny in general ... I mean I'm not, but I could be.

But I'm not.

Fuck, I'm so bad at this.

So have you decided yet? Do you know if you want to suffer once you realize you can never look at Jenny the same way again, or do you want to play ignorant?

I don't blame you if you prefer the latter. Hell, I wish there was a way I could un-hear what I heard. To be honest, it disturbs me in ways I never thought possible. I knew she liked dancing, but I never thought she'd do it for coke.

Fuck.

Why didn't you stop me?

You just had to let me go on and on and keep talking, didn't you? You wanted to know. Deep down, you wanted me to keep talking because you knew there was a chance it would slip and you'd have a clean conscience because you did nothing wrong.

Well fuck you.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean that.

Any of it.

Jenny doesn't dance because she doesn't have legs.

Jenny doesn't do coke because she doesn't have a nose.

Jenny doesn't have tattoos all over her head because she doesn't have one.

Jenny doesn't do anything because she isn't.

I made her up.

All of it.

It's just that I get bored sometimes and I kind of make a lot of things up in my head and live through them. Watching things unfold in the lives of people no one else knows.

I'm sick of not having secrets because no one trusts me.

I'm sick of not having anyone to talk to me because I might be a little weird.

So I might smell everything I touch and lick things that are filthy and should make me sick to my stomach. What's life if you're not doing something daring?

So I might cross the street in heavy traffic wearing a blindfold. What's life if you don't trust others?

So I might burn myself the watch my body repair itself. What's life if you don't rebuild?

Don't judge me for being different.

Don't judge me for being destructive.

Don't judge me.

Hate me.

Ignore me.

Shun me.

Just don't tell me that the things I do are wrong.

Don't tell me I've fucked up.

I already know that.